What are Emotional Needs?
Foreword for the “Emotional Needs” book by Dr. Christof Loose
I am delighted to have been invited to write the foreword for this read-aloud book based on Schema Therapy principles. It is a great and important book for parents and children to (re)connect and check in with each other's needs. The illustrations beautifully capture the story's essence, and the character Alex helps the reader to explore the concept of emotional needs.
Childhood core needs are the fundamental requirements for children to develop into healthy and well-adjusted adults. These core needs are essential for each child's emotional, social, and cognitive development. We have one physical core need of safety and security; and five emotional core needs, including love and belonging, fun, self-esteem and self-worth, autonomy and control, and guidance.
Safety and security: This need is met when children have a stable and predictable environment where they feel protected and cared for. Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in meeting this need and providing the child with a safe and secure environment.
Love and belonging: This need is met when children receive affection, attention, and positive feedback from their parents and caregivers. Children who feel loved and accepted are likelier to develop healthy relationships and a positive self-image.
Fun and relaxation: This need is met when children have ample play time in their daily lives to explore and satisfy their curiosity. Children with adequate stimulation develop social, physical, and cognitive skills such as resilience, emotional control, and building friendships. The keyword is balance: some children are bored and understimulated, while others are chronically overstimulated.
Self-esteem and self-worth: Children have the need to feel valued and respected by their parents, caregivers, and peers in order o develop a positive self-image. This need is met when they receive positive feedback, praise, and recognition for their achievements. Children with a positive self-image are likelier to have healthy self-esteem and confidence in their abilities.
Autonomy and control: Children also have the need to feel that they have some control over their environment in order to develop a sense of independence. This need is met when children are given age-appropriate responsibilities and allowed to make choices. Children with a sense of autonomy and control are likelier to develop a sense of responsibility and independence.
Guidance: A healthy amount of guidance is needed to provide an effective structure within which children can learn to manage their emotions. This need for guidance is fulfilled when children receive direction, rules, and limit-setting from the parents and caregivers around them.
It is essential that ALL needs are met in a balanced way. Meeting any one need too much or too little is not healthy. If one need is not being met, it is not helpful to overcompensate with another.
When needs are unmet, we tend to respond with one of the 4Fs - fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. In this story, we help identify these 4Fs and new ways of coping with challenging emotions, through tools to help regulate and care for children's feelings.
Dr. Christof Loose
Schema Therapist for Children, Adolescents, and Adults with Advanced Certification,
Trainer and Supervisor, accredited by the International Society for Schema Therapy (ISST e.V.)
